How to cope when Mother’s Day is hard

Mother’s Day can be hard for so many reasons. It’s a reminder of how fundamental yet complicated motherhood is, for children and mothers alike.

For some women, Mother’s Day is a day of celebration, a day to show your mother how much she means to you and a day where, as a mother, you can expect to be spoilt by your family to show how much you are appreciated and loved.

Mother’s Day can also be an emotional, frustrating, angry and sometimes very lonely day. It can be a painful reminder for those who have lost their mothers, no matter their age, for women who want to be mothers but aren’t, whether due to a miscarriage, loss of a child or infertility and for those women who don’t have a meaningful relationship with their mother.

Whatever the reason you may be finding Mother’s day challenging, the most important thing to remember is you are not alone in feeling this way. 

You may not hear this very often but it is important to remember:

• It’s OK to NOT enjoy Mother’s Day.
• It’s OK to hide away from well-meaning friends and give yourself the space you need.
• It’s OK to be jealous of other people and feel temporarily disconnected from them.
• Its OK to be angry for no reason at all.
• Its OK to not want to see others celebrating Mother’s Day.
• Its OK to feel none of these and to move on and for Mother’s day to not have any affect on you.

If you’re reading this then you probably know, it is not always easy to talk about it, and sometimes you have to find other ways to help when you find the day overwhelming you such as:

• Give yourself permission to “feel your feelings”. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel.
• Don’t try and suppress your feelings, acknowledge your pain.
• Express your feelings to others if you can, or creatively if that’s easier.
• Avoid negative behaviour that may harm your health.
• Plan ahead for triggers, such as the card aisles.
• Have specific plans for how you will spend your time on the day.
• Do something for yourself that makes you feel good, and yes, distract yourself.
• Have a back up plan if you decide you don’t want to be alone such as a simple pre-arranged agreement with a friend or family member that you can call or visit if you need to.

The reality is that there is no right or wrong way to get through Mother’s Day if you are finding it difficult, the main thing is to do what you want, to do what is best for you and not what you think you should do.